So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Randomize
