A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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