Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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