Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Randomize
