Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
