Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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