I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
