I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
