just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
