My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
