let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We have started to decorate penises.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
