Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
