One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I want a musical about memes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
