If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
