Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
