So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
