FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
