I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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