There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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