your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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