well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize