Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Boobs speak an international language.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
