Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
