i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
