I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
