No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
