East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
