she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
