is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
