Pappa wants mamma naked
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
