The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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