I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
