sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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