It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
