the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I looked at my own cervix.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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