He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
