clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
