You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
