did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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