Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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