So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
