i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
