Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
