She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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