one two three fourrrrnication!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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