he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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