Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
