i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
