he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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