I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
