She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
