that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
