whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
