I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
