Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize