So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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