is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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