I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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