i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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