I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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