Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
