I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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