last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize