I'm jealous of your bromance
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
