i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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