She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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