I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize