He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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