He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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