my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
