new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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