Little spoons don't ask big questions
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
