I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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