Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
