rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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