Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
