bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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