There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
