please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
