I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
