Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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