and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
