I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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