i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
God, I missed his penis.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
