i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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