It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
