I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
