Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
