babies were throwing up all over the place
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
