did you get engaged???
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
