i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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