he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is the high leading the old right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
