best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
