You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
