Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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