Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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