You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
