I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
