These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
