Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
