btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
