So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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