I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
