I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
